27 Elul 5986/Wednesday
Event: My 45th year 2nd day period and Meeting day
Here and Now:
I dreamt of many strange things last night, loving and being loved by our class genius in highschool Andrew Luy, and then the next were other guys, some geek and then I think I saw Nico, and then just being loved by ordinary men in Cebu. What struck me was Andrew, Andrew was an intelligent composed man, I didn't know I was attracted to his intelligence until today, but I was never attracted to him per say, that's why to see him in my dreams is quite a surprise but I can't do anything about it because he is married. I was praying to GOD last night, seeking HIS comfort and love when I fell asleep no dinner, no bath, just sleeping so early at 8pm. And I do feel rested. I don't think that dream was divinely inspired, I just think my dream revealed the kind of person I would love - somebody intelligent like Mosab and if he was in Cebu probably like Andrew, but not Stephen, because I'm not going back to him. I think my dreams are a result of my hormones during my period but still with or without hormones, I still long for a husband and GOD knows that... while my last thoughts where about Mosab, I still dreamt of somebody else... may the LORD speak to me through HIS word today what that was all about
SOAP
Scriptures - Torah Reading:
Deuteronomy 32
19 “And when the Lord saw it, He spurned them, Because of the provocation of His sons and His daughters.
20 And He said: ‘I will hide My face from them, I will see what their end will be,
For they are a perverse generation, Children in whom is no faith.
21 They have provoked Me to jealousy by what is not God; They have moved Me to anger by their [a]foolish idols. But I will provoke them to jealousy by those who are not a nation;
I will move them to anger by a foolish nation.
22 For a fire is kindled in My anger, And shall burn to the [b]lowest [c]hell;
It shall consume the earth with her increase, And set on fire the foundations of the mountains.
Bible in a Year:
2 Kings 20-21; Colossians 1;
2 Kings 205 ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. 6 And I will add to your days fifteen years. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for My own sake, and for the sake of My servant David.” ’
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or [e]principalities or [f]powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.
Reconciled in Christ
19 For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, 20 and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross.
21 And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight— 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister.
Observation
So in Deuteronomy, I can sense that God really has passion for his people. He has deep feelings for his people who are not faithful to him, even though he chose them, he loved them, he carried them. But when his love is not returned, and they are disobedient to him, he punishes them and does everything to bring them back to him. For this is really how God loves, how much he loves. Yes, you can say he is sort of possessive because he does not allow other gods to compete with him. So that's the rhema and observation I have of Deuteronomy. But the observation I have in Hezekiah, his extended life is in 2 Kings 20. It's like God did not want Hezekiah to live longer, because if he did live longer, he would bring Israel to downfall because he showed off his wealth to the Babylonians. But it's not necessarily that it's because of Hezekiah that brought downfall to the entire nation. It's not just because of one man's act of pride, but because the whole nation was really unfaithful to him. When Hezekiah's son ruled and reigned in Judah, his unfaithfulness to God brought the rest of the nations to sin against God, and this is why it caused them their downfall. So Hezekiah was righteous, and God granted him his request. But after he was healed, he had pride, and this caused downfall to the nation. But not entirely is because of him, but because of his son. But in spite of, Babylon would still conquer Israel because this is how the story goes. When man is disobedient to God, we always suffer consequences, and that is why we have to remember that God's love is really jealous. He's a jealous God. And in Colossians, Jesus is described as the image of the invisible God. His existence in the world proved how much God loves people, how much God loved his creation that He would send His beloved Son to die to atone for our sins. So He is not just a God who punishes, but He is the God who reaches out to His people. He's the God who's showing them love, who's among us, who is compassionate to us, and the face of Jesus is the face of God's merciful love to us.
Application:
And so because God is jealous, he is sovereign. He is a great king, we shouldn’t disobey him, make him angry. We should always put him first in our lives. Make sure we are doing what he wants for me when I was 15. I already pray that God would take for control of me, knowing that if I was rebellious against him, I would still suffer and I don’t want to suffer and so I prayed a prayer of surrender like just telling Him: take me and do what you want with me and do everything you want me to do for you don’t allow me to make you angry. Don’t allow me to sing against you. Just help me to be all that you want me to be you know just like a robot or a puppet I don’t want to live on my own I want to be guided by God to be led by God driven by God just like just like a glove or a vehicle. I just want God to move through me, and I believe this is the safest way, and the only way to please God. And in Colossians 1 verse 15 says he is the image of the invisible gun by him all things recreated all things were created through him and for him he is before all things and in him all things consist so if everything exists because of him, so I don’t want to live my life without him and I don’t want to loan for anything or want anything unless he wants this for me and so it buff me why I am looking for a husband. I still don’t have a husband you know and so every day I pray for a husband, I ask God for that which God has put in my heart. This Desire has been there for ever since I can’t remember you know being born into this world with a security of family still gave me that longing to know a deeper love a great love that I found in God that I want to experience through another human being who is filled with the Holy Spirit of God.
Prayers:
Father God, I thank you for this day. I gave Glory to you for this day for another year that closest in my life 45 years of my life today and thank you for your faithfulness Lord for answering every prayer for every season you’ve been with me and you’ve carried me through but Lord, I need you so much even more today than I did yesterday I want you to take for control of me and control my even my feelings and my longings and desires that make me cry. I don’t want to cry, but if it’s part of what you’re working in me you’re designed for me your purpose for me to intercede to be broken to sit there so help me get to do everything according to your will under your purpose help me to keep trusting you and I pray for joy I want to have joy in all that I go through and struggle with and as I continue to wait on you, I want to have joy I want to have peace. I want to have revelation and assurance from you that you are working all things you’re working behind you’re doing something oh God that you’re not deaf and blind to the cries of my heart because you are a faithful God so I pray Lord, continually for my family, make us humble for my church unite us for my dogs. Keep us healthy so that we can serve the purposes that you have created us for to do in this world Lord frequently i pray for my husband lead him to me, lead us to each other that we may love one another as you have loved your church that we may serve you and give glory to you through the love that we give to one another and show the world, please help us, Lord Lord I know that you have provided everything for me. I don’t lack any important thing except love, the love of my husband and this is why my heart cries out to you always and I keep crying out to you for that and I pray that you’re bring him to me soon and I pray that you bless even my in-laws and that you would save them oh God I pray that you would bless this year that I would meet my husband. No not another moment to waste this year will be the year for us to have one another. This year the kingdom of GOD come. God I receive your word. I receive your promise 15 more years with my husband I receive that and I thank you for that God. I pray for years of joy and glory, glory that will reveal who You are in our lives please Father have your way have your way always for You to fill us and speak to us again even as I pray for him and the name of Yeshua amen.
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